So I lied.

I totally fucking got it. Vote for me.

Somebody Save Me!

I quote the Labyrinth. Like a lot. And I never lose cool points, because no one knows what the fuck I’m referencing. For example, whilst talking to Ferna the other day, I asked him a question to which he replied: “Nothing.” And I said: “Nothing? Nothing tra-la-la?”

Yeah. He didn’t get it.

So I’m at work today, hella burned out, hella tired, and ready to get the party (read: napping) started. And that’s when the “somebody save me! Somebody take me away from this awful place!” came to mind.

Don’t worry. I’m just being melodramatic. I wouldn’t be so crabby, except for the fact that I have sworn off coffee because a) my heart already has holes in it. It doesn’t need further agitation to completely just give out on me, and b) I’m out of creamer. And beans. Sooo, do the math.

No, seriously though, I’m trying to cut back on the coffee intake, and ramp up the green tea. My tolerance to the stuff has increased tremendously, and now I don’t even need honey to choke it down. It’s like my persistence with beer consumption. Once upon a time I thought it smelled like (yeast) piss. And look at me now!

Anyway, I don’t know where this post is going. I think I’m going to head to Starbucks.

Poop Sandwhich.

I didn’t get the Missbehave email. The one that says: “Yo, you’re fresh. You’re mad fresh. Come on down!” Instead I got nothing. The shun. Slapping someone with silence. And it kinda stings ‘cuz it wasn’t just some bullshit contest. It was a test of my skills. And apparently, I had none. No skillz. Go home kid, you’re botherin’ me. But it does say something. There have been so many opportunities for me, and there will continue to be. I just have to be ready when they present themselves. Step. Up. Ur. Game. ‘Cuz you don’t wanna go home. Not next time.

Update

I realize no more than an hour later that that was a blessing in disguise. The final round was to be decided by viewers like you, and that’s when I realized: there really aren’t any viewers. I like to blog because there is that weird narcissism that comes along with the territory. People swinging by to read about you, you, and YOU! And yet…I don’t tell anyone I do this…because I like to maintain anonymity. A sense of mystique, if you will. In real life I’m really just unbearably shy. I don’t want to tell folks my beeswax, and have to drum up votes for a win. The very thought has me shakin’ in my boots. Because a) I’d be letting randoms all up in the teriyaki , and b) I’d lose anyway. So lose-lose-lose. No thanks. The next thing I do, I will own it. And it won’t be because of the popular vote.