Grabbing a Bull by the Horns

I’ll be the first to admit I’m a stubborn bitch. 

I once starved myself down to a mere hundred pounds the first semester of my senior year in high school because I was in a month-long feud with my mother and nothing pissed her off more than the thought of me not eating. (I’ll spare you the gory details, but let me just say you’re body can’t run on nothing and I do NOT recommend it. Grossington Sr., for sure.)

I’ve walked through Na$ty City at 3am in nothing but board shorts and a tank top because I was in the middle of a heated argument and refused a ride home.

I almost failed Bridge because I wasn’t going to rat out a cheating, lying group mate and so I too had to take the wrap. (Ed. note: I have since learned my lesson on this one. Fuck that trick.)

I’ve opted out of good times to sulk at home, alone; I’ve narrowly missed getting a warrant out for my arrest (but that’s another story for another time); and I’ve put my health in jeopardy for the principal of it all. 

Moral of the story: I never back down. Even if it’s going to (literally) kill me.

Yesterday was no exception.

I suffer from little man syndrome. I can’t help feeling like sometimes people are out to get me, or take advantage in some way because they think I won’t stand up for myself, so I over-compensate — my bark is just as big as my bite.

I ended up getting into yesterday with my man-friend. The back story is petty, ridiculous, and slightly embarrassing (let’s just say there was cereal involved), but at the end of the day (and well into this morning) it had escalated into an all-out brawl. I believe the words “you can eat a big, fat dick,” were thrown around. 

In the midst of the argument I could feel my conviction waning, because at the end of it all, who really gives a fuck about groceries? (Obvi I do, otherwise I wouldn’t have given a fuck in the first place.) But I couldn’t let it go. I hate feeling attacked, and more importantly, I hate to lose.

There were sorries issued (not by me), but I still couldn’t let it go. The last thing I said (well before my bitchy post-apology ”Later!”) was that I wasn’t going to buy tickets to the California Academy of Science’s Nightlife this Thursday just to spite Ferna and so he’d have to go alone in the middle of our circle’s newly-minted Coupledom. 

I know that I’m being immature, and damn my temper, but that’s something that I’ve got to learn how to handle. I’ve got to learn how to be a grown-up.

So with that, I’ve already bought my ticket for tomorrow. But that’s just between you and me, dear reader. I’m not that grown yet.